He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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