thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
