I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
