Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
