Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
