You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
