Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
