You made me cry and you don't even care
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
