You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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