Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
