apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
