Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
