I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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