My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
