it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize