A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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