Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
