Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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