I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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