so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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