I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize