all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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