We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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