my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
