At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
