is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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