I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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