How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
