Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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