please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
