Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How external is "for external use only"?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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