I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
