Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
