Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
