His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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