dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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