I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
