I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
