So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
