I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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