dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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