Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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