thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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