he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
