stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize