In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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