Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
