Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
