Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
