my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
