he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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