I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
