either way he was missing a nipple.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How does it feel to date your dad?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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