If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
