Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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