My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
