Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
