Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
