Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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