i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
