no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
