I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Screwed.edu
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
