went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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