Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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