Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
