I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
