my shit smells like andre
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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