i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
