You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
