i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
