my mouth tastes like poor choices
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
