Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I would ride that face into the sunset
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm bleeding and have questions
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
