the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
