I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
