these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
