we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
