one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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