The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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