I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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