its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
