no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
