I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
