this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
