My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
