I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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