so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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