How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
