i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
home. puking in laundry basket.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
