trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
