And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
