Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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