remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
