Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
